Confessions of a Stoic Japanese Pilot
by Kitty Carthoway
Summary: A stupid little piece about Heero talking about his life and certain... problems...


Title: Confessions of a Stoic Japanese Pilot  
  
Author: Kitty  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own 'em. What do you take me for, and billionaire or something?  
  
Category: Humor/General  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Warnings: shounen ai, Relena bashing, OOC, language  
  
Notes: I have no earthly idea where this story came from. Honestly. It was supposed to be a fluff piece... Anyway... it's still good, I hope...?  
  
Confessions of a Stoic Japanese Pilot  
  
I seemed to have developed an certain fondness for my fellow violet eyed companion. I also seem to have no idea when that particular event happened, nor why. What I do know is that it's there, and that whenever I seem to forget that, it reminds me often in the harshest, most embarrassing way possible. I would go into detail, but I fear I may possibly die from lack of blood circulation as all of it would rush to my face. Stupid blush.  
  
Anyway, I have definitely developed a 'fondness' for my partner. I use that term loosely... very loosely. At points, I seem to be bad as Relena. That little tidbit became clear to me approximately three weeks ago, when I found myself cuddling up with one of his shirts, just because it was there. Besides, he smells good. I think it's the shampoo he uses; it smells like strawberries. I sometimes use his shampoo, rather than my own, just to get that particular scent.  
  
I'm pathetic, aren't I?  
  
The saddest part, for me anyway, is that I can't tell him how I feel. At all. I'm too scared to. I'm too damn scared of his rejection, that I don't even risk the chance of us ever living 'happily ever after' as so many children's' books put it. Why would he want me, anyway? The Perfect Soldier is anything from a Perfect Boyfriend. I'm not handsome, I'm not good looking, I don't have a social life, I barely have any friends and the ones I have I can barely hold on too. And the biggest issue of all, is he even gay? I highly doubt it. Number one, he's Catholic, and probably would think me an abomination to society... or something. Number two, he seems to be pretty popular with the girls at the schools we are sometimes assigned to for missions. Speaking of girls, that is second major problem (as what to do with Duo is the first.)  
  
I'll give you three tries to guess just WHAT girl is giving me all this trouble. Oh, and the first two don't count.  
  
That's right. Relena Peacecraft. And I should shoot the person in the back that said Dorothy Catalonia. I'll make a note of that.  
  
Anyway, it's that damn Relena girl that's driving me nuts. That is not a good thing, by the way. She follows me. I KNOW that she's stalking me. I didn't used to be paranoid, but now I am. Because of her. She calls me. She emails me. She talks to me. She TOUCHED me. No one, never EVER, touches me. I'll make an exception for Duo, but that's a different matter all together...  
  
I remember that day all too clearly.  
  
I was sitting on a bench, mid afternoon, at a school dangerously close to Relena's choice of residentry for my comfort. I was waiting for Duo to come (I wish) back from stealing some files from the headmaster's office. He said I should wait outside. I had no idea why, but for one brief moment, a hope flared up within me. A hope that Duo wanted me to wait outside, on this gorgeous spring afternoon, for other reasons other than the obvious. Then she came. She killed that little hope within me so efficiently that even my Soldier side is surprised now that I reflect upon it. And she only used three words:  
  
"I found you!"  
  
God, I hate those words. She came up and hugged me. She fucking hugged me. Oh! But that's not all! She sat down beside me, leaving her arm around my shoulders. She began to ramble, honest to God, there is no other word for it, about how hard it was to find me again. Well, no duh, I kinda would like for no one to find me, especially the Ozzies and especially you. So anyway, she was rambling when she... leaned in. I dunno, she just, twisted her self around, to face me better. She brought her other hand around and... ugh, I can't believe this, still!... and she began to rub the inside of my thigh. Down to my knee, up to my... bleah, this is disgusting, I can't believe she'd be so rash as to do that.  
  
I remember very distinctly the disgust as she... did that to me. At one point, I remember thinking an inane comment to the situation. God, how I wish that Duo was doing this to me now instead of her... Of course, who would decide to show up at that Goddamned moment other than said boy himself? He took one look at me, smiled a little, than flopped the papers he retrieved down next to me and trotted off. I watched his form walk away in utter horror. He wasn't going to make some half-assed comment to get me out of this situation? No help what-so-ever from the psychotic motor- mouthed wonder? Some of you may not know it, (hell, most of you don't) but I have come to depend on that crazy American. We have a system worked out. He screws up, in a mission, I fix it. I screw up, socially, and he gives me a way to get out. It had worked very well up until that point.  
  
To make a long story short, I dumped the God-awful girl out of my lap, grabbed the papers, and ran to catch up to Duo. When I reached him, he didn't say anything. Didn't at all give me a chance to explain myself. (Like I need to be explained here...) And God-be-damned that I was going to initiate conversation and sound like I was making excuses. We walked back to the dorm room in complete and eerie silence.  
  
And I have felt violated ever since.  
  
I know its stupid. But I can't help but look at myself differently after that. What that Peacecraft git did to me changed me somehow. It shouldn't be a big deal, but it is. I guess to my inexperienced body, this might as well been rape. I mean, I've barely had a hug before this!  
  
All I want is for Duo to make it all better again.  
  
***  
  
So... what didja think? Please review! Pleeeeaaaase! Is it good? Is it horrible? Tell me, please!! 


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